


Remember Me

by mscharlottebell



Category: Captain America, The Avengers, The Winter Soldier (movie), the winter soldier - Fandom
Genre: Avengers Angst, M/M, Spoilers, winter soldier angst, winter soldier spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2014-04-09
Packaged: 2018-01-18 19:09:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1439575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mscharlottebell/pseuds/mscharlottebell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>WARNING-CAP 2 SPOILERS </p><p>It seems that no matter where or when Steve goes, it always ends with water. As he slowly sinks to the bottom of a lake following the heli-carrier crash, he struggles to help Bucky remember any part of who they were almost seventy years ago. </p><p>Inspired by the last few minutes of Marvel's 2014 film "The Winter Soldier"-a Bucky/Steve angst one shot. (implied Tony/Steve as well)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've ever written for the Marvel universe, so any constructive, creative, or general criticism/advice would be much&greatly appreciated. :)

It always ends with water, he thinks as the last bit of air in his lungs escapes from his mouth and bubbles to the distant surface. He’s sinking quickly, his eyes burning from the fresh water and he wonders absently how he never realized how deep this man-made lake is. He’s a little bitter because it seems like no matter when or where he is he always ends the same way. God damn water.  
  
As time seems to cease to exist, Steve finds his brain split in several directions-he can feel the bullet wounds in his torso already beginning to heal, but he wonders if he should just let go this time. He wonders if that’s even possible. He knows that his skin tissue is weaving itself tightly back together, forcing the bullets out of his body bit by bloody, aching bit, but he wishes it would stop. It doesn’t feel great. Not that he would share that with anyone because that’s not how he does things. He doesn’t want anyone to know when he’s hurting or what he’s thinking. Especially not Tony...or...His eyes drift shut. He can hear debris slamming onto the surface and being slurped down and lost...pieces of history and hard work and humanity being lost to these great depths.  
  
  
 _Bucky,_ he thinks to himself, _I swear I never would have done it if I knew you were alive._ His name is like a prayer and a sin and he’s so confused. _But I watched you die…_ In this underwater purgatory where everything becomes tainted with duality, he cannot tell if he regrets giving his devotion to Tony or is simply feeling the anguish of discovering that his dead lover has come back to life. Can it even be called life? Is it even really him? It has to be. Clones aren’t real. Or are they? He’s been asleep for so long that nothing is familiar to him anymore. He thinks he is crying but the water is burning his eyes so much that he can’t feel it. He begins to slowly feel his head turning black.  
  
And then comes a jerk on his arm-his eyes open and he can barely make out the figure of a man pulling him upwards. Saving him, he realizes. He focuses harder on the metal grip on his arm-Bucky-he came back, and he’s trying to save him. Seeing his face, his body, knowing he is trying to help after trying to kill him makes him want to reach the surface. He pushes his exhausted body to rise to the surface, weakly kicks his legs and grips Bucky’s shoulder-he doesn’t look at Steve, his eyes are focused on the nearing surface and Steve suddenly feels like his lungs are about to burst, about to explode because he can’t breathe, but there’s something more important and Steve can’t control it, can’t keep it in because _You came back to save me again--_  
  
As they break the surface, Steve desperately crushes their open mouths together, latching onto Bucky’s shoulder and wrapping his fingers firmly in his hair. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, knows he’s in plain sight of thousands of civilians and that Bucky might not remember who he is-he’s risking his own life-but something in him has finally broken in a place so far buried within him that he didn’t even know it existed. There must be some part of Bucky that remembers their past because no matter what happened he always saved Steve. Always. And he came back this time, after everything, after shooting him and taking out Fury and attacking Natasha...after everything, here is the glimmer of the man that Steve knew, that he loved and suffered to lose.  
  
Struggling to stay afloat as Steve aggressively presses their bodies as close together as the water will permit, Bucky is at first unresponsive-but Steve murmurs his name over and over and he begins to soften, his metal hand resting firmly in the small of Steve’s back and his flesh hand running a thumb across his bruised cheekbone. His lips and tongue warm to Steve’s and for a moment-just a moment-they are wrapped up in each other, adrift and out of time and completely different men than they were seventy years ago-but together.  
  
To their left, a solar panel slaps the water’s churning surface and Bucky starts, tearing quickly and violently away from his embrace. He looks at the man he once knew so well, sees the confusion and conflict in his eyes, and feels a sinking understanding that Bucky may not have come as far as he thought. Before he can do anything about it, Bucky has him in a metal grip again and he’s pulling them both towards the shore.  
  
Maybe it’s because he has hurt so much and lost even more, but when they wade onto the shore, Steve stumbling because his body is still healing, he leans up again and catches Bucky’s mouth, trying to say with his lips and his tongue that he needs Bucky to remember, needs him to understand. Out of all the regrets he has in his life, Bucky is the one that weighs most heavily on him-every night spent with Tony brought back moments with Bucky stolen between missions-risking everything they had as young men in the forties in New York just to be together, all the pointless fights they had about “keeping up appearances” and going on double dates with girls just to keep Bucky’s parents off his scent… _I have lost so much and left so much behind,_ he tries to say, _and I can’t lose you again._  
  
Bucky is receptive this time, even perhaps a little curious judging by the way his hands slide over Steve’s chest and arms and wrap in his short blonde hair. His eyebrows are furrowed like he’s trying very hard to remember something. Steve’s heart is beating quickly in his chest, each thump radiating a thankful message- _you do remember, I knew you would_ -he can’t stand anymore because everything in him is burning and aching and his vision blurs. He begins to fall and brings Bucky with him, appreciating the strength in his arms as he is laid on his back and Bucky’s familiar weight settles on top of him.  
  
Steve doesn’t feel the shift coming, but something above them explodes and Bucky is snapped out of his spell. Before he even has time to react, Bucky’s metal fist is slamming against his temple and he is clamoring off of Steve with a horrified and confused look on his face. He feels his breath slow as he tries to recover from the blow and his head is reeling out of control. White sparks fly across his vision and he knows now that he is crying but he doesn’t care. He sobs as he looks over at Bucky and realizes that he is on the verge of consciousness-he just wants to see him one more time, just once-he can’t let him go again without one more try-but his eyes are closing against his will as Bucky looks from his hands up into Steve’s eyes-  
  
But he can’t hold out anymore and his eyelids slide shut as he breathes, “Remember me.” Even super soldier serum can only do so much for a body as broken as Steve’s. He doesn’t see Bucky kneel at his side in the sand, doesn’t hear the anguished scream as he holds his head in his hands and tries desperately to remember while simultaneously forgetting everything that has happened to him while all of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s hard work explodes like fireworks overhead. He can see so many faces, feel so much blood spattering his face and knows how painful it is to see Steve again-Steve?-his target-no-  
  
He scrambles to his feet, gasping for air, tears burning his eyes as he looks at Steve-target-with utter despair. He turns away and begins to walk. He doesn’t know where he’s going. He doesn’t know why he has decided that this mission is one he cannot-and will not-complete. He stops to look back at the captain once-bleeding from his torso, lying on his back, breathing evenly, eyebrows furrowed even in his restless slumber...bruised cheekbones, several cuts on his beautiful face-no-wait-Bucky squeezes his eyes shut against all the confusion this mission has caused him and begins once more to walk away. But even as he leaves the Captain _(Captain...cap...America?....Captain America....Captain America, Steve...Rogers...Steve Rogers, Captain America....nineteen....nineteen-forty….)_ he knows that no matter where he travels, there will always be something of himself within the man lying on the beach that he will need to return for.


End file.
